As I write this, it is August 13, 2019, and I am on a plane headed for New York City. I have been anticipating this day for months upon months, and it’s finally here. I’m moving away from my home town to chase my dreams.
New York was never a place I dreamed of living. In fact, I used to not like New York much at all. Our family would always go on some vacation in the summer, and the two places we most often visited were California and New York. The dirty, crowded, smelly city turned me off quite a bit. The tall sky scrapers and loud noises were quite a contrast from the quiet, open spaces of Albuquerque. Of course I enjoyed going to New York on vacation, however, I would have never imagined living there. In fact, if you told younger Verónica that she would one day be moving to LIVE in NYC, she probably would’ve laughed at you, ya crazy person. Yet, here I am doing exactly that.
I’ve learned to appreciate New York over the years. I remember going to NYC for my high
school graduation gift to watch multiple Broadway shows (six, if memory serves me correctly). It wasn’t my first time seeing theatre on Broadway, however, it was the first time I was old enough to fully appreciate and understand the art form. The shows I saw were “Something Rotten”, “The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime”, "Finding Neverland", "Matilda", "A Gentleman's Guide to Love and Murder", oh, and a little show called “Hamilton”. Quick sidetrack for a second, we only went to Hamilton because a friend suggested seeing it. We were as ignorant as anyone could be going into the theatre. Our only knowledge of the show was that it was about Alexander Hamilton, included hip-hop and rap, and was written by (my now lord and savior), Lin Manuel-Miranda. We saw it’s fourth performance on Broadway (OBC BABY), and I remember my mother and I looking at each other after the first number and we both thought something along the lines of “what earth breaking musical did we just walk into…?”. Alright, enough gloating about Hamilton.
Anyway, that trip was the first time I started seeing New York from a different perspective. I spent the next two summers there for musical theatre training. My first program was with NYU and it was the New Studio Five Week Musical Theatre Intensive, which was absolutely fantastic. The next summer, I attended Stella Adler’s five-week musical theatre intensive and that was probably the most inspiring, life-changing experience thus far. I could go on and on about each program, but I’ll save that for another time. Since I was quite literally living as a citizen in New York City for five weeks, two summers in a row, I started learning the ropes and seeing what New York was really about.
One of the things I learned to appreciate was how safe I felt. As you may or may not know, I’ve suffered from generalized anxiety (along with a few other lovely disorders) my whole life. I found that, both times, when I was living in New York, my anxiety significantly decreased. Walking on the street alone at night wasn’t
scary anymore. It was rather mundane. I couldn’t imagine doing that in my home town without worrying I’d end up on True Crime Daily as a victim.
Another thing I learned to appreciate was how invisible I felt (in the best way). I constantly worry about how people perceive me (yes, I’m working on it), but in New York, a lot of that anxiety goes away. This is due to the fact that there’s SO many people living in the city. I found myself enjoying moments with myself. Now let me make this clear, being alone has never been an issue for me; the only time it becomes an issue is in public. I worry that I’ll see someone I know and I worry about if they’re judging me or not. But not in New York. I would stroll down the streets carefree. Eating in public alone was rather enjoyable rather than anxiety-inducing. I didn’t have to worry about people judging me because everyone is so focused on getting somewhere or doing something, OR THEY SIMPLY DON’T CARE. Whatever the reason may be, it was refreshing.
Another I reason I enjoy New York so much is the fast-paced mentality. Yes, I understand it’s not for everyone, but for me, it’s perfect. I’m the girl who was once juggling high school and three shows all at once by CHOICE. I’m the girl who has done theatre non-stop for years and years, show after show, because I need to be doing something. I’m the girl who (accidentally, I must admit) took 24 hours my first semester of college. I get crazy and depressed if I’m not occupied with something. I want to constantly be doing something. Boredom is a horrible vortex of self-deprecation, un-productivity, and STRAIGHT UP TORTURE. So needless to say, NYC is perfect for me in that aspect. There’s so much to do and see, that I shouldn’t have a problem avoiding boredom. Plus, I’m hoping to be constantly occupied with improving my craft.
The idea of moving to New York became a reality when in March of 2019, I went and spent a week in New York with my good friend Devon to audition for a theatre company. It was the first time I felt at home in New York. I missed it. I didn’t want to leave. And for an anxiety-ridden girl such as myself, that’s saying A LOT. To give you perspective, in my middle school social studies class, I remember my teacher asking “How many of you plan on leaving to college when the time comes?”, and everybody in the class except for me (and possible one other student) raised their hands. The thought of leaving terrified me. Later in life, I applied to multiple out of state colleges because I REFUSED to go to UNM. I got accepted into a lot of them, but not for the programs I wanted. To be honest, I had no idea what I was doing. I thought doing vocal performance would be more beneficial than doing a musical theater program. It was a confusing time of my life. I ended up going to UNM which came down to two things: 1) I didn’t know what path I wanted to take and the other? 2) I wasn’t ready to leave. Whether I realized it or not, I was holding myself back because the thought of leaving wasn’t a reality in my mind. So, with all that, the fact that I am moving to the opposite side of the country astounds me. For that, I am proud of myself.
As we make our way closer and closer to the city, I am thankful for all the experiences I’ve had in my life to lead me to this. I have so many people to thank who have supported me and believed in me. It makes believe in myself. I feel like people often associate the phrase “chasing your dreams” with unrealistic goals. Dreams are only dreams right? Well, they can be, or they can be your reality. It’s your choice. I am choosing to make my dreams my reality. I am choosing to put in the work to get me there. Yes, I am aware that I am in a difficult industry, but that just makes me want to work harder. No, I don’t have a backup plan because this IS what I am going to do. I am aware of all the rejection, but I think I am prepared enough as I can be for it. There will be difficult times. I understand. There will be times where I’m going to think I can’t do it. But one thing is for sure: I’m not giving up. No matter what. The difficult times will only make achieving my goals more rewarding. It may take years, it may not. Who knows? But one thing is for certain, I, Verónica Baca am on my way to New York City to ACHIEVE my dreams of being a professional singer, actress, and dancer through hard work, tenacity, and raw passion. My love for this craft drives me. I will do it.
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